50 Reasons Why People Write Dramione Stories
by Obsessed14
Summary: I like lists. I've got to say, I'm a Dramione shipper. I do not feel how chapter 1 suggests I do. To avoid offense, you might want to skip this chapter. Disclaimed:
1. 50 Reasons Why Write Dramione

**I really like lists.**

**Language.**

**I think there's 50, but I kept getting interrupted whilst I was counting.**

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><p>Because you ship them<p>

Because Tom Felton is pretty damn hot

Because Emma Watson is pretty damn hot

Because you don't know enough about other characters

Because canon is boring

Because you can test your writing ability by coming up with a believable plot

Because you can whore yourself out by writing a rubbish story for a million reviews

Because you want to see what all of the fuss is about

Because you want to chuck your deuces up to JK Rowling

Because you hate the epilogue

Because you hate Ron

Because you hate Astoria

Because you can take all of your Mary-Sues for a test run

Because you can take all of your OCs for a test run

Because there is always a lot of UST

Because you can write steamy lemons

Because you can write plot less short stories

Because you can write plot less long stories

Because you can see just how OOC you can make Malfoy and Hermione

Because you don't have to bother with spelling or grammar

Because Malfoy's a 'bad boy'

Because they provide plenty of self-insertion opportunities

Because you're bored

Because you're lonely

Because you've wrote a story for every other ship in every other fandom available

Because you can

Because someone told you that you can't

Because someone told you that you shouldn't

Because writing clichés is so fun

Because if you do it 'properly' there's hardly any work involved

Because there is already so many plots to choose from

Because they're the only stories you can ever find

Because of random, annoying plot bunnies

Because you can use them to mock Dramione shippers

Because you can use them for a bit of Weasley!bashing

Because you can use them for a bit of Dumbledore!bashing

Because you can tell the world that Hermione is Voldemort's daughter

Because you can generally just screw with the entire storyline

Because you can make the Malfoy's nice. Or misunderstood

Because you can show the other Dramione shippers how it's done

Because you've recently been dumped and want to restore your faith in love

Because you've recently gotten a divorce and want to restore your faith in love

Because the person you like is too stupid to notice you and you want to restore your faith in love

Because you are attempting to learn English through the language of love, (which is universal)

Because you're trying to prove you're twice as good as Jane Austen

Because someone paid you to write it

Because it's on your list of "Things To Do Before You Die"

Because you need to satisfy your addiction

Because you're a sadistic person who likes feeling pain

Because the voices in your head told you too

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><p><strong>Any other list ideas you'd like to see?<strong>

**Just review me ideas:)**


	2. 72 Reasons Snape's My Favourite

**I think it's 72...**

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><p>Because he had a strong, authorative presence<p>

Because he was cynical and sarcastic

Because he was insecure, vulnerable and yearned to be special

Because he was Lily's best friend

Because he was still Lily's friend after being sorted into Slytherin

Because no one ever cared for him

Because he was a part of the Slug-Club

Because he knew more curses and hexes than any Seventh Year

Because he was bullied

Because calling Lily a "mudblood" would always be his worst memory

Because he noticed Remus' lycanthropy when his friends and housemates did not

Because he was an exceptional wizard and talented sorcerer

Because he loved Lily

Because he was bad ass enough to join the Death Eaters

Because he was bad ass enough to turn spy for Dumbledore

Because he felt guilty about informing Voldemort about the prophecy

Because he had begged Voldemort to spare her

Because in begging for Lily's safety, he had made it possible for the curse to backfire when Lily sacrificed her life

Because he was distraught when she died

Because he spent the rest of his life protecting Lily's son who was the spitting image of the man he hated

Because everyone hated him for his mistakes

Because he's the potions master

Because he takes pride in his work

Because he always wanted to teach the students Defence Against the Dark Arts

Because he had little patience for foolishness

Because he was an effective and respected Professor

Because he allowed Harry and his friends to spoil Voldemort's many plans

Because he saved Harry's life when someone cursed his broomstick

Because he refereed the next game to ensure that it didn't happen again

Because he never stopped Hermione from stealing ingredients from his potion stores

Because he blasted Professor Lockheart into a wall

Because he brewed the Wolfsbane Potion for his enemy

Because Dumbledore trusts him

Because he noticed that his Dark Mark was becoming more prominent

Because he attempted to convince Fudge that Voldemort had returned

Because when Voldemort returned, he once again became a spy for Dumbledore

Because he agreed to teach Harry Occlumency

Because he withheld Veritaserum from Umbridge to protect Harry and his friends

Because he tried to save his tormentor; Harry's godfather

Because he went back to the Forbidden Forest to search for Harry

Because he vowed to protect Draco

Because he manipulated Bella

Because, in doing so, he lied to her face

Because he was finally awarded the position as Professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts

Because he allowed underachieving students to take DADA at N.E.W.T Level

Because he punished Harry for almost killing Draco

Because Dumbledore always trusted him

Because he killed Dumbledore as he promised

Because he also saved Draco from Voldemort

Because he was loyal to the end

Because he never returned a spell when Harry was attacking him

Because he was behind the Battle of the Seven Potters

Because hurting George had been an accident

Because he had done exactly what Dumbledore had told him

Because the seven decoy Potters was his idea

Because he's the only Professor to have taught Potions, DADA and then gone on to become Headmaster

Because he tricked Bella with a fake Sword of Godric Gryffindor

Because he used his patronus to guide Harry

Because, whilst Headmaster, he undermined the sadistic use of violence used by the Carrows to keep control

Because he put up a fight against McGonagall, Flitwick, Sprout and Slughorn

Because he could fly without the use of a broom

Because in a bid to save the Wizarding World from Voldemort, he gave up his memories for Harry

Because although he told no one other than Dumbledore, he had always loved Lily

Because he did his best to delay Dumbledore's death

Because he worried about his own soul, yet killed to protect Draco's

Because his life's work as a spy meant that Harry could gloat to Voldemort

Because it was his feelings that meant that his work as a spy had always evaded Voldemort's notice

Because he deserved to have his portrait in the Headmaster's office

Because he was one of Dumbledore's most reliable allies

Because he was loyal and daring and just and true

Because he will always be an honorary Gryffindor

Because he was quite possibly the bravest man that Harry had ever known

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><p><strong>I didn't even like Snape much before I wrote this.<strong>

**Now I think he's pretty damn awesome.**

**I must admit, most of my ideas for this list came from Harry Potter Wikia.**

**Feels good to get that off my chest.**

**Review me with ideas?**

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><p><strong>Bandnerd2669 - I'm glad you approve, I'll try my best to keep my writing at a high a standard as possible :) Thank you for the review!<strong>

**Rizzlebug - It would work for any non-canon pairing, I must say. I never thought of that. Thank you for pointing that out and thank you for the review!**


	3. 26 Emotions Felt During The Series

**Mild Language.**

**26? I think?**

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><p>Fear - OhMyGod, it's Voldemort!<p>

Anger - Piss off, Malfoy. You're hair is rubbish

Sorrow - Lily and James will forever be remembered by those whose lives they touched with a good book and an infectious laugh

Grief - For Hedwig and Fred and Sirius and Remus and Tonks.

Joy - Bam! Bitch went down. She's Hermione: super witch

Glee - "Why don't you confer with Mr. Finnigan? As I recall, he has a particular proclivity for pyrotechnics."

Disgust - Use of the word 'Mudblood' sickens me

Pity - Ewwwww. I bet those slugs tasted disgusting!

Anticipation - But you're going to kill Voldemort soon, right Harry?

Doubt - Seriously, Harry. You're never going to kill Voldemort, are you?

Serene - Luna's presence is like a breath of fresh air

Love - "Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon..." *Laughs*

Acceptance - "Hey, Colin." "Yes, Harry?" "How about that photo now?" "Really?" "Really really."

Shame - Sorry for telling everyone that you were the heir of Slytherin, Harry. That's alright.

Awkward - When Harry uses his wand in front of Hagrid

Embarrassment - If it isn't the Mudblood Granger, hopping about in her seat like her knickers are on fire. Dirty filth never did know when they weren't wanted.

Indignation - Neville Longbottom is not an idiot!

Envy - Why couldn't I be the one to come up with the Harry Potter series?

Frustration - I must not tell lies.

Wonder - Wingardium Leviosa

Closeness - "Hey, random person on the street. What's your favourite 'Harry Potter' moment?" "Oh, it's most definitely... ... ..." "Well, it was nice meeting you, Henry."

Respect - I respect JK for taking on such a huge challenge.

Familiarity - [10 years later]. *Picks Harry Potter book of the shelve* "Ahhhh. Back home to Hogwarts."

Hope - Maybe, one day, I will have friends like that

Obligation - I solemnly swear that I am up to no good

Completion - Harry Potter is my life.

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><p><strong>Took me a while to come up with a new list idea, but here it is.<strong>

**I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**Send me a message if you have any requests.**

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><p><strong> - I know what you mean! The entire scene was just adorably perfect in the most bittersweet way imaginable. I can't help but burst into tears whenever I see it :**


	4. 12 Ways to Kill Someone

**New Chapter:)**

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><p><strong>Method:<strong> Push your victim down the moving staircase and claim that the movement, "caught them by surprise"  
><strong>Additional Information:<strong> A swift push in the middle of the back. Works best when your victim is caught off-guard. Please be warned that this won't work if your victim is bigger than you and you are not strong enough to push them properly  
><strong>Effectiveness:<strong> 7/10  
><strong>Consequences:<strong> None as long as you pushed your victim hard enough that they lose their memory

**Method:** Steal ingredients from Snape's private stores, plant them on your victim and then tell Snape who has them  
><strong>Additional Information:<strong> Sneakiness is needed. Works better if you are a Slytherin who won't be punished even if you are found out to be the culprit. The rarer the ingredient, the better this will work. Sit back and watch Snape do all of the work  
><strong>Effectiveness<strong>: 4/10  
><strong>Consequences<strong>: Minor. Detention for Slytherins. Please expect to be sent to Azkaban if you are a Gryffindor

**Method**: Convince your victim to cry in the girl's bathrooms. Something bad always happens when there's someone crying in the girl's bathrooms  
><strong>Additional Information:<strong> Please be patient, as not everyone will submit to tears so easily. When your victim does tear up, make sure that you lure them into the girl's bathrooms. Warning - This will not work in any other bathrooms. Wait for a troll or Harry Potter  
><strong>Effectiveness:<strong> 8/10  
><strong>Consequences:<strong> Minor. Detention if you bullied your victim in order to make them cry

**Method:** Sneak your victim past Fluffy and push them into the Devil's Snare  
><strong>Additional Information:<strong> Will only work if your victim has no prior knowledge of Devil's Snare  
><strong>Effectiveness:<strong> 9/10  
><strong>Consequences:<strong> Minor. With any luck, your victim's body will never be found

**Method:** Relocate your victim's bed to just beneath the Whomping Willow  
><strong>Additional Information:<strong> A Sleeping Drought may be needed to ensure that your plans are not ruined. Warning - Extensive Magical Knowledge is needed if you intend to move your victim's bed from their dorm room  
><strong>Effectiveness:<strong> 8/10  
><strong>Consequences:<strong> Major. Expect to spend time in Azkaban

**Method:** Blindfold your victim and lead them into the middle of the Forbidden Forest. Whilst they are still blindfolded, make a quick getaway  
><strong>Additional Information:<strong> Please make sure that your victim isn't friendly with the Centaurs. This method will work better if you leave your victim to Aragog's mercy  
><strong>Effectiveness:<strong> 6/10  
><strong>Consequences:<strong> Minor. Unless you are exceptionally stupid, you shouldn't be caught out after dark, but if you are, expect detention and a reprimand

**Method:** Put your victim's name in the Goblet of Fire  
><strong>Additional Information:<strong> This ploy works better if your victim is not top of the year. Also, make sure that you are capable of a Confundus Charm strong enough to fool the Age Line. Results may vary. Warning - There is no guarantee that your victim will be chosen to complete. As a final note, make sure you put your victim's name in the Goblet, not your own  
><strong>Effectiveness:<strong> 5/10  
><strong>Consequences:<strong> Major. Make sure you are not caught.

**Method:** Make sure Professor Lupin doesn't get his potion and then chain your victim to his side on the full moon  
><strong>Additional Information:<strong> You may need extra strong, magical-resistant chains to beat a smart man like Remus Lupin. Extra sneakiness needed to ruin the potion.  
><strong>Effectiveness:<strong> 10/10  
><strong>Consequences:<strong> Major. Eye-witness account from Remus Lupin may result in death by Marauders. Professor Snape will murder you for ruining his hard-work.

**Method:** Sit your victim in front of the Mirror of Erised and tell them that it's healthy to stare at it  
><strong>Additonal Information:<strong> You will need a Mirror of Erised. Warning - You need to make sure that you don't get addicted to the image you see.  
><strong>Effectiveness:<strong> 3/10  
><strong>Consequences:<strong> None. You did nothing wrong.

**Method:** Dress your victim up at Harry Potter then break the taboo curse on Voldemort's name  
><strong>Additional Information:<strong> You will need to make sure you are not nearby. Cedric Diggory learnt this the hard way  
><strong>Effectivess:<strong> 10/10  
><strong>Consequences:<strong> None. Case of mistaken identity

**Method:** "Trip" and accidentally push your victim's face into a boiling hot potion  
><strong>Additional Information:<strong> For extra damage, screw up your potion!  
><strong>Effectivess:<strong> 6/10  
><strong>Consequences:<strong> Moderate. Expect expulsion if you are too obvious.

**Method:** Avada your victim. It was an accident. There was a really annoying fly in the room and you were trying to "do your homework"  
><strong>Additional Information:<strong> Make sure that you're nice and angry beforehand to make sure the spell works.  
><strong>Effectiveness:<strong> 10/10  
><strong>Consequences:<strong> Off the scale. Expect a life sentence in Azkaban

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><p><strong>Review!<strong>

**As of today, you can now request lists!**

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><p><strong>Cantfindmyipod - Does this suit your fancy? ;) Thank you for the review!<strong>


	5. 9 People James Would Fuck

**People I would fuck **

_by James Potter_

_Commentary by the Marauders._

James: Hello, my fellow Marauders. I am interrupting this frightfully interesting potions lesson to ask you a question.

Remus: You want to know whom we'd fuck?

James: Exactly, my dear Moony. Now pass this parchment to the next desk so that I can show Padfoot.

Remus: Of course. But why are we making this list?

Sirius: Moony, my love, we are warm-blooded teenage males with hormones racing through our bodies. This is what we do!

James: Exactly! So the theory is that if you were ever in a situation where you saw someone attractive or you admire, neither of you had a significant other and the stars lined up your way, would you fuck them.

Remus: Right.

Sirius: I love the way your brain works, Prongsie.

James: Love you too, Paddie. So who would you fuck then?

Remus: No one. And I don't think Peter appreciates being ignored. Pass the note along, Padfoot.

Sirius: Awwww, why not, Moony? And sorry, Peter. Didn't mean to leave you out.

Peter: It's all right, I suppose.

Sirius: There we are. Now speak, Remus. Why wouldn't you shag anyone?

Remus: I just… couldn't. I wouldn't ask a girl to put up with my issues.

James: Come on, Moony. You don't know what could happen. Everything might be fine!

Remus: Exactly. I don't know and everything might not be fine. I couldn't take that risk.

Sirius: You'll change your mind; mark my words. And did you hear that, Prongs? You owe me 20 galleons! Apparently, Remus doesn't pull the magic chain.

Remus: You gambled over my sexuality? ...

James: Come on, man. We don't know. He still could be a bit of a 'Backdoor Man'. Remus never said no.

Sirius: Admit it, mate. You lost!

James: Prove it.

Sirius: Yes, because straight Moony would _love_ that, wouldn't he? I'll just lather myself up in fake tan and moisturizer, just to get him going, yes?

Peter: That's disgusting! And Remus isn't gay, is he? I didn't think he was. But what if he is…

Remus: I'm _not_ gay, okay? Now can we please pay attention? I really can't brew that potion at the front.

Sirius: Haa! And no we can't – we've not even made a list yet.

Remus: _Nooooooo_!

James: Shut up, whiny. Now, number one on the list is going to be Evans.

Sirius: For Christ's sake, Prongs, she doesn't even like you.

Remus: Maybe you should find someone else to stick on this stupid list?

James: I don't care; this is my '_perfect situation fucking list_' so Evans is going to be on it and she is going to be number one. Any questions? No? Good. And Moony, this is fun. Admit it.

Remus: I would if it were true, but since it's not, I can't.

Sirius: So, if Evans has got to be number one, can I pick number two? Awesome because I'm not going to give you a choice. Number two is MacDonald.

Peter: Mary MacDonald?

Sirius: Yes, Mary, you dimwit.

James: Why _her_?

Sirius: Because she has got a _great_ arse.

Remus: You're disgusting.

Sirius: Says the one who would rather shag our favourite Malfoy, _Luscious_.

Peter: So is Remus gay?

Remus: No, Peter, I'm _not_.

Peter: Oh. So if James would… have… with Evans and Sirius would… with MacDonald, who would you… _whatever_?

Remus: No one. I've been through this. There's too much at risk.

Sirius: What about Pomfrey? You said you'd do anything she wanted to pay her back for what she'd done for you.

Remus: I doubt a tumble in the sack is what she's after, Sirius.

James: Ahhh. You never know mate…

Sirius: Yeah. You're a good-looking bloke, Moony. You've got that '_studious and sensitive_' thing going for you. And besides, she's seen all of your battle scars.

Remus: She's seen me completely naked and covered in my own blood. I think the mystery has gone.

Sirius: Nonsense, mate. I'd shag you.

James: … Is there something you want to tell us, Sirius?

Sirius: Not particularly. I'm just saying…

Peter: Haaa! Sirius fancies Remus.

Sirius: I do _not_ fancy Remus, Peter. I was just… you know… making an _observation_.

Remus: Errr… well… thanks, Padfoot.

Sirius: It's alright, Moony. See, Prongs and Wormtail. _Moony_ knows I was just saying.

Remus: Right. What about you, Wormtail. Surely you've got someone to add to this delightful and _not at all sexist_ list?

Peter: Well, I would… Sort of… It's kind of difficult… You know that girl in the year below, Zoe? Yeah… well… her.

James: Smithston's little sister? Boy, you've got some nerve going after her. Zack would _kill_ you if he found out.

Sirius: Yeah, we might as well start planning your funeral. Can I write a speech for the occasion?

_We gather here today, to not only lay to rest a dear, dear friend, but we must first celebrate the life before the commencement of a next great adventure. I am speaking, of course, of one of my best friends, Peter Pettigrew, whose life was tragically cut short by a cold blooded murderer. It is with great regret that I stand here, wishing with all of my heart, that I could go back in time and change history. He will be missed terribly._

James: That was beautiful, Padfoot. * _sigh_ *

Peter: Zack is going to _kill_ me?

Remus: No, Peter. Because no one is going to tell him what you said. Isn't that _right_, guys?

James: Right, Wormy.

Sirius: Of course not, Remus. What kind of a friend do you take me for?

Remus: I dread to answer that.

Sirius: What's _that_ supposed to mean?

Remus: Nothing.

Sirius: Good, because I was thinking, we should also put Madam Rosmerta on the list. I'd make some babies with her.

James: She hates you.

Remus: And you're allergic to commitment. Including babies.

Sirius: Evans hates you but _she's_ on the list and I'm not allergic to commitment, I merely prefer to _avoid_ it whenever possible.

Remus: Is there a difference?

Sirius: Ouch. Retract the claws a little, mister.

James: Sirius is right, Remus. Is everything okay? You seem a little… _off_.

Remus: I'm just _peachy_, thanks.

Peter: Are you sure?

Remus: Yes, I'm _sure_.

Sirius: Shut up and tell your great uncle Sirius what's up?

James: He can't sit down and shut up, fool.

Sirius: Wow. You're a regular comedian, James Potter. Anyone ever tell you that?

James: Only everyday of my life.

Peter: I thought we were talking about Remus?

James: Right, you are, my love. Remus, tell us what's happened.

Remus: Nothing, it's just… this is a stupid idea.

James: * _legasp_ * Sure, it's not.

Peter: It kind of is.

Sirius: It's not a _stupid idea_ just because you say it is, Peter. So be quiet and pay attention to Slughorn. _I_ won't be helping you later.

Tell me, Remus, why is this stupid?

Remus: Because it's just made me realize that I can't ever actually _be_ with a girl, can I?

James: Why not?

Remus: I could kill her. Or _maim_ her. And I can't have kids in case I pass the curse on… Just forget it. It's stupid.

Sirius: Remus, you can't hurt a fly. We all know that. And you can always adopt.

Remus: Yeah but… It's just not the _same_.

Sirius: Remus, you are, without a doubt, the kindest, most intelligent, sweetest guy around. Any girl would be lucky to have you.

Remus: Err. Thanks, Sirius.

James: Just going to interrupt this little love fest to tell you that class ends in three minutes.

Sirius: Hooray! Slughorn's voice was _really_ starting to set my teeth on edge.

Remus: We missed the _entire_ lesson? What on _Earth_ am I going to do now? We've got N.E.W.T.s at the end of next year!

Sirius: Calm down, Remus, and I'll tell you what you missed later on tonight over dinner.

Remus: Thanks, Padfoot. You're a lifesaver!

Sirius: No problem.

James: Am I the only person who is upset that we didn't get to finish of my list? I had so many ideas.

Sirius: Yes. You are. No one else cares.

James: That's not true. You care don't you, Remus?

Remus: Not particularly. I was against making this list to begin with.

James: Hey! That's not very nice!

Sirius: It's not Moony's fault that your idea was spectacularly rubbish.

James: Was not.

Sirius: Was too.

James: Was not.

Sirius: Was too.

James: Was not.

Sirius: Was t-

Remus: Just shut up and tell us your ideas.

James: Right you are, _Remus_. Well, there was Dorcas, that muggle actress my mum likes, Minnie, Bella, Moony's chocolate stash, my invisibility cloak, whoever invented Quidditch and that fit Ravenclaw in the year above.

Sirius: You'd shag _Bella_? That's _revolting_! Urghhh, I feel sick.

Remus: Minnie as in _McGonagall_?

James: Yep.

Sirius: I'm disowning you.

James: That's nice dear.

Sirius: It's true. From now on, it'll just be me and Remus.

Remus: And Peter.

Sirius: And Peter.

James: Don't be stupid. You'll have disowned him too by the end of the day.

Sirius: That's nice, dear.

James: Don't ignore me.

Sirius: Whatever you say, my love.

James: Stop it, Sirius!

Sirius: Sure thing, James.

James: Remus…

Remus: Class in…

Sirius: 3

Remus: 2

Sirius: 1

Remus: Right on time.

Sirius: Bye James.

James: Sirius! I'll knock you on your _arse_ if you do- …

"Stupid idiots. Leaving without me. Didn't even let me finish my note…"

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><p><strong>Dear all of my fans,<strong>

**I'm so sorry that I've been M.I.A lately, but my life has just been FUBAR, (that's Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition). I know that it may not seem like I've had much on my plate, but the following schedule was preceded by at least 6 weeks of sleep deprivation so try to be understanding. Over the past four weeks, I've had 8 GCSE exams, 3 college interviews, I've been working and I've also had the flu. I know that I probably could have managed to keep on top of everything, but I'm not used to having so much to do. As a result, I let things get away from me and I apologise. I am in the process of updating all of my stories and I am currently writing the next chapter to 'Midnight Strolls and Prefect Patrol' which is taking the most work. It had been so long since I wrote the last chapter that I forgot about how I'd portrayed the characters so I had to go back and reread what I'd written so far. I was then convinced that my entire writing style had changed so again, I had to go back and double check. Therefore, the entire writing process had lengthened.**

**Please forgive me for taking so long, I promise to have the next chapter on.**

**I'd like to finish by saying thank you for being so patient, it means the world to me!**

**All my continuing love,**

**Obsessed**

**x**

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><p><strong>Maybeitisnt - I'm sorry it took so long for me to write it, and you can thank JennaMarbles (youtube) for the inspiration :)<strong>

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><p><strong>Want to request a list? Go ahead :) x<strong>


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